Dating and Preparing for Marriage

Nowadays it seems as though it's getting harder and harder for people to have successful marriages. Personally, I think part of it might be that the dating world has changed and the definition of dating has changed. I think this could contribute to people struggling more in marriage. 

Some people genuinely want to find someone to love and marry. Others may just care more about the physical aspects of a relationship. I know in my high school NCMOs (noncommittal make outs) were really popular and people thought it was fun and cool. For a relationship to truly work and be healthy, it needs to start at a certain place and progress in a certain order. The Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) is the perfect example of this. Dr. John Van Epp created this believing that this is how a relationship should progress in order to survive and survive happily.

The first is "know." How does a relationship start without knowing that person? 

The second is "trust." The more you know someone, the more you trust them. 

(Each aspect builds off of the one immediately previous)

The third aspect is "rely." The more you trust someone, the more you can rely on them to 
meet your needs, whether that's in a friendly relationship or romantic. 

Fourth is "commit." 

Let me ask a question. 

Have you ever committed to someone before you really knew them? Dated after just meeting? And how did that work out? This may sound harsh, but it probably didn't. Why? 
Because these aspects of relationships were unbalanced and out of order. 

The fifth is "touch." If this comes first, then there is no base and support for the relationship. I mentioned make-out buddies or one night stands. Why do they exist? Because people start the relationship at touch and try to work backwards. It does not work that way and it shouldn't. Without a solid foundation of knowing them building into trust, trust becoming reliance, reliance leading you to commit, and LASTLY commitment leading to touch, a relationship is not healthy. 

My advice to you? Start at the very beginning. Build a friendship that has the strength to support the other aspects of a building relationship, especially if you want it to lead to marriage.