Adjustments in the Early Years of Marriage

When a couple first gets married, there's a lot of adjustments and transitions that need to be made. The main question that gets asked in some form or another is, "Where do we set boundaries?" 

I think the biggest boundary that needs to be set is the fact that a couple needs to have transparency. This means that when people ask about intimate things in another couple's marriage, that couple needs to be honest to the person asking that certain things are only between the husband and wife. This also means that if the husband or wife is upset at the other, that they shouldn't go to friends or mom and dad and vent to them. Even if the couple has gotten past what happened, other people might still be stuck on it and won't forget what happened, whether big or small. 

The solution to this: communication is key! A husband and wife just need to talk to each other FIRST. Since I'm newly married, I've seen this firsthand. A lot of our problem was that we weren't being as honest and open as we should've been about our feelings and thoughts and that lead to miscommunications and misperceptions on both of our parts. We would've saved a lot of time if we would've just talked about it as things happened rather than waiting until feelings had been hurt. 

Another major adjustment in a marriage is when kids start to come. Babies can bring so much joy into a family's life, and yet a lot of couples find that their satisfaction in marriage decreases after each child is born. This can be because of many different reasons. Some of these include the fact that the baby needs constant attention and so the mother's attention is often more focused on the baby. This often makes the father feel like he's not involved and he feels left out. A lot of misperceptions end up happening on both ends, which makes each spouse less "satisfied" in the marriage. 

There's lots of ways that this can be avoided though. The main thing would be that the mother should encourage the father to be very involved during the pregnancy and after the child is born, and the father should make sure he's doing his best to be involved. Before the birth, the father can go to all the doctor appointments and the mother can make sure she's scheduling the appointments around the father's school or work schedule. During the birth, the mother should rely on her husband, more than her mother or other women in her life. This can be an incredible bonding experience, so it's important that the husband is being the one involved and not someone else. After all, it's not just her baby. It's their baby! After the birth, each spouse should be attentive to each other's needs and look for opportunities to love and serve the other, especially since babies can make both parents so tired and worn out. The father can help take care of the child and bond with it at the same time. When couples take the time to love each other and include the father in the important, bonding times with the child, marital satisfaction won't go down but can actually increase.

To me, families take a lot of time and communication. It's so important to always be looking for opportunities to serve and love each other. A spouse and their wants and needs  should come before anything else!